


Chest Wound Healed

by orphan_account



Category: The Terror (2018 TV series), The Terror - Dan Simmons
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 08:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14421633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Whether it be the shouting of men, the deep groans of the ship or the arctics constant whisper, there was always something to keep him awake. Tonight, the whisper came from within. He had been battling an itch for a while now and results seemed to be in the itch’s favor. It was an itch that began as what James labeled as loneliness tapping its sharp nail at his mind that grew slowly into a festering doctor-shaped hole in his heart.





	Chest Wound Healed

**Author's Note:**

> In one of the notes Fitzjames sent to his stepbrother, he talked about how he liked Goodsir's laugh and his "large lower lip". You know, like a straight person does.

          The contemplative silence weighed down heavy on James. In truth, he hasn't heard real silence for quite a while. Whether it be the shouting of men, the deep groans of the ship or the arctics constant whisper, there was always something to keep him awake. Tonight, the whisper came from within. He had been battling an itch for a while now and results seemed to be in the itch’s favor. It was an itch that began as what James labeled as loneliness tapping its sharp nail at his mind that grew slowly into a festering doctor-shaped hole in his heart.

          He had to restrain himself already from writing any more letters detailing the things he enjoyed about the ships youngest doctor: his homely awkwardness, his gentle voice, his detrimentally warm heart. His motherly eyes, his fuzzy cheeks. Most distracting though, were the doctors lips. Full, pink and soft, his mouth hung ever so slightly open under the weight of them. James made an effort to maximize his conversations with the doctor just to watch him talk. Often He found himself so entranced that he couldn't remember what Harry was even telling him in the first place.  
          His heart began to demand more than just obsessive observation. He once impulsively invited Harry to eat dinner at the table with him and the other commanders, which ended in Harry being so nervous that his fork trembled in his hand. Francis had jokingly pointed it out, causing Harry's face to burn red before mumbling a hurried excuse for him to leave. James firmly apologized afterwards and pleaded Harry to join him privately for dinner some night. Harry agreed, but the dinner was never had. James cringed at the memory.  
          Too many mishaps had happened, it was time for James to do something. He ought to stop wallowing, he thought, if he's going to make any progress. He forced himself out of bed, standing triumphantly in the middle of his stuffy quarters. Next step: Walk to the infirmary. James took a deep breath, straightened his shirt and finger combed his hair. He slipped out of his quarters looking as fresh as he could and pushed his way towards the infirmary. He felt as if the crewmen bustling by somehow knew his intentions, causing him to step a little faster.  
          He arrived at the infirmary's open door and heard the bitter drawl of Doctor Stanley from inside. He suddenly worried that Harry wasn't even in there, but upon entering he was proven wrong. Stanley stood as always with a furrowed brow and crossed arms. Harry stood hunched over a sick cabin boy, a gentle hand placed on his chest and another on his forehead. James's knock on the door frame caused both doctors to jump to attention.  
"Captain Fitzjames." The both of them acknowledged.  
"Is something wrong?" Harry inquired.  
          James heart fluttered at the sound of Harry's voice. He turned to Stanley, ignoring his question.  
"I'll need to borrow him, if that's alright."  
"He's yours." Stephen turned to Harry, who hurried around the table after he reassured the sick boy.  
"Make sure he-" harry called back to Stanley, who cut him off.  
"Don't question my competency, Goodsir. I am a doctor, if you haven't noticed."  
Harry nodded hesitantly and looked at the floor as he left with James.  
          The trip back to James's quarters was reluctantly silent. He wanted to bring up the fact that he didn't like how Stephen treated Harry. He didn't like it at all.  
"Um," Goodsir's hushed voice broke his thoughts as they reached James's door.  
"I-is something wrong, captain?" Harry repeated.  
"No. I just," James stumbled on his words. "I wanted to discuss some matters."  
          Harry donned a face as if he was sure he had done something terribly wrong. James wanted to grab his hands and assure him he wasn't being scolded, but instead he just pushed his door open and ushered him inside.  
          Goodsir sat on James's bed before gasping and standing back up  
"Sorry, I shouldn't- I was just-"  
"No please, sit." James pasted on his most non-threatening smile. Harry hesitantly sat back down on his bed and stared at the floor.  
"You aren't in trouble, Harry."  
          Goodsir looked back up at james with brighter eyes.  
"That's- that's good." Harry's voice was still hesitant.  
          James thrust out his hands. Harry peered into them quizzically before cautiously placing his own in James open palms. He flicked his eyes back up at James as he did so, and James nodded in approval. He closed his grip around Harry's hands and rubbed his thumbs across the doctors fingers. They were warm and a little sweaty. His fingernails had been bitten down and stained with blood, his own or otherwise.  
          James suddenly locked up. He realized now that this was going to be a fatal mistake, but he was out of excuses. He wouldn't grasp the doctors hands so sincerely just to tell him he had intestinal worms.  
"I just wanted- I- damn..."  
          He looked to the side. His heart raced. Harry was still silent. He took a deep breath and shut his eyes.  
"I lo- I appreciate. No, damn it, I _love_. I love. I love the.. The way you.."  
          He watched in his mind as his titles, his medals, his reputation crumbled before him.  
"The way you are. I just love it. Your face and your voice and your, your-"  
          Harry stuttered before James blurted out more  
"Every day I see those lips of yours. I watch them move and smile and- and not a.. Not a _moment_ passes where I don't wish to cover them with my own. It infests my heart, this want. I can't take it anymore, doctor. I love you!" He gripped harder. His vision was blurry from the mix of relief, shame and panic that filled his brain.  
"The thought of your warmth helps me sleep at night." He ended in a breathy whisper. He swallowed hard after he finished.  
          Harry stayed silent. His mouth twitched as if he were about to say something. He felt he couldn't break eye contact with James.  
"Captain..." Harry mouthed. Harry's voice was a whisper at full volume, but his single word filled James’s mind.  
          James felt as if a wall had been torn down inside of him. The wall should have broken away to reveal Goodsir's open arms, but instead it was empty. There was nothing. James dropped Harry's hands. He’d be court martialed. Deemed a pervert at the least, jailed for sodomy at the most.  
"Im- I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I don't-- I dont know what came over me. I didn't mean it-"  
          Harry’s brow furrowed and he suddenly looked very sad. James huffed as if he were out of breath. He felt tears welling in his eyes.  
"I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm s-" he held back a sob. He sniffed and closed his eyes, dropping his hands to his sides.  
"I'm sorry, doctor. I meant nothing.” The lie stung James hard, but it was for the best.  
“ Please forget this. Just leave."  
"Captain." He repeated.  
"You are dismissed, mister Goodsir!"  
          James felt Harry's warm hands on his knees. He scooted closer to James and grabbed his hands.  
"You don't have to do this." James muttered  
"Tell me once more that you dont mean it," Harry slid his fingers in between James's  
"And I will leave."  
          He turned to look at Harry. He did mean it. He truly meant it. Harry's eyes went warm again. He smiled and tilted his head, silently expressing his hesitant approval.  
          James broke. He took his hands away from Goodsir's, grabbed his waist and pulled him in. He ungracefully mashed his lips onto Harry's, crushing their noses and only catching most of his upper lip. Harry frantically wondered what to do with his hands, before he deemed them not important, placing them on James’s thighs. He craned his neck up to match with James, finally pushing their lips together in a true embrace.  
          James truly felt as if he were going to start melting. The feeling of Harry's warm body pressed close to his, the scent of his hair, the gentle sound of his breath. His lips. Oh god, his lips. James rubbed one hand slowly up and down Harry's back as they kissed.  
          James pulled off for a second to catch his breath before going back in, this time hesitantly poking his tongue at Harry's teeth. Harry moaned quietly and opened his mouth to let him in. They slid past each other gently, desperate to be even more connected. Harry peeped a sound as their teeth clicked. James's ears were filled with new sounds; his revived heartbeat. The wet sound of kissing. The warm buzz of love radiating from the both of them.  
          Harry tugged at the back of James's coat. He needed air. It was clear Harry hadn't shared many kisses before, let alone ones like this. James loosened his grip on Harry and pulled off. Harry quietly gasped for breath, his lips glimmering in the low light. He pulled him back in, this time just for a hug. He placed his head on Harry's and closed his eyes with a pleased sigh. Harry brought his arms around James.  
“I meant it.”  
“I know.”  
          Harry broke away from James.  
“I should really be heading back, I-I have my doubts that Doctor Stanley is taking any good care of my patient. That is-- unless you need something else, Captain.”  
“I’d say I have been sufficiently cured, Doctor. Your methods are impeccable.”  
          He smiled at Harry. A sincere smile, one that James forgot he could even muster. Harry laughed quietly as he got up from the bed and walked towards the door.  
“I haven’t forgotten about your dinner invitation, Captain. We can still.. Do that. I-if you still want to, that is.”  
“I’d love to.” James responded. Harry nodded and opened the door.  
“Harry,” He called. Harry stopped in his tracks and looked back at James.  
“Call me James, please. At least when we’re in private.”  
“Yes Captain- I mean, oh goodness…” Harry shook his head and laughed. “I shall work on that, James. Have a good night.”  
“Goodnight Harry.”  
          His door shut gently, and James was alone again. James did not feel alone this time around. His heart felt full and heavy, still pumping in his ears from the kiss. He leaned back against the wall and hummed in victory.

**Author's Note:**

> (this is my first time posting here sjdfsdnjk)


End file.
